An Evening With New Friends
Meet Aaron and Bradley
Aaron, 21
Masters student in Software Development.
From Northern Ireland.
Bradley, 18
First year undergraduate student in Accounting.
From Northern Ireland.
Meet Aaron and Bradley
Aaron and Bradley have been good friends since childhood. They’ve played in the same football club at home since they were very young.
Bradley is in his first year and has just started at Queen’s University – he is new to Belfast.
Aaron is a Masters student and knows Queen’s University very well. He wants to help Bradley get to know people so he has invited Bradley to join him and his two classmates in Hope Café after class.
You’ll meet various characters in this scenario. The characters depicted are fictitious.
Before they go to Hope Café, Aaron chats with Bradley.
So Bradley, we’re meeting Aisha and Emma, my two friends.
Aisha’s from Malaysia. And you might remember Emma from when we were at school together.
She was called Conor at school. We used to play football with her. She’s trans.
Really!? That’s crazy.
Not really. Emma’s Emma. She’s really lovely. And it’s no big deal. I just thought I’d let you know.
But come on, we’re late. Let’s go!
Bradley considers what Aaron just told him.
I remember Conor from school and from football. He was a great goalkeeper if I remember.
But what does Aaron mean by him being ‘trans’? I don’t really get it. Has he had a sex change? Is he gay?
Conor will always be Conor to me!
Trans is an umbrella term to describe people whose gender is not the same as, or does not sit comfortably with, the sex they were assigned at birth.
The word trans can be used without offence (as an adjective) to describe a person who:
- Is proposing to undergo, is undergoing or has undergone a process (or part of a process) for the purpose of reassigning the person’s sex by changing physiological or other attributes of that sex; and/or
- Identifies as someone with a different sex from that in which they were born, but who may have decided to undergo/not undergo medical treatment.
It is important to recognise that while some trans people do seek medical or surgical transition others do not.
Trans people may describe themselves using one or more of a wide variety of terms, including (but not limited to) transgender, transsexual, gender-queer (GQ), gender-fluid, non-binary, gender-variant, crossdresser, genderless, agender, nongender, third gender, bi-gender, trans man, trans woman, trans masculine, trans feminine and neutrois.
Meanwhile in Hope Café
Aaron introduces Bradley to his two friends.
Bradley, this is Emma and Aisha. Emma and Aisha, this is Bradley.
Hi!
Hello!
Hi Conor, long time no see! I didn't expect to see you looking like this…with long hair and makeup!
So Aisha, how'd you meet Conor then? Me and HIM go way back!
Do you mean Emma? We both volunteer at Queen’s radio station.
Queen’s radio? Conor? I don’t believe you – not Conor! HE used to be in the football club back at school.
You were a great guy then, weren’t you Conor?
I can tell your legs have never seen a football pitch, Aisha. I saw you out in the Quad before, and they look great!
Are Bradley’s Comments Inappropriate?
Let’s start with his comments about Emma – do you think they are inappropriate?
Are Bradley’s Comments Inappropriate?
That's right.
Bradley’s comments about Emma are inappropriate.
Emma has made it known that she wants to be known as ‘Emma’. Bradley needs to respect this and call her by her preferred name. He also needs to refer to her as a woman and use the pronouns ‘she’, ‘her’ or ‘they’ as appropriate.
Are Bradley’s Comments Inappropriate?
That's not right.
Bradley’s comments about Emma are inappropriate.
Emma has made it known that she wants to be known as ‘Emma’. Bradley needs to respect this and call her by her preferred name. He also needs to refer to her as a woman and use the pronouns ‘she’, ‘her’ or ‘they’ as appropriate.
Are Bradley’s Comments Inappropriate?
Bradley’s comments about Emma are inappropriate.
Emma has made it known that she wants to be known as ‘Emma’. Bradley needs to respect this and call her by her preferred name. He also needs to refer to her as a woman and use the pronouns ‘she’, ‘her’ or ‘they’ as appropriate.
Appropriate or Inappropriate?
Do you think Bradley’s comment about Aisha’s legs is inappropriate?
Appropriate or Inappropriate?
That's right.
Bradley’s comment about Aisha’s legs is sexist, inappropriate and potentially embarrassing for Aisha.
Bradley is treating Aisha like an object and not as a person with feelings, emotions and intelligence, and as someone on an equal level to himself.
By doing so, he is disrespecting Aisha and creating an unnecessary distance between them. He should, instead, respect her.
Appropriate or Inappropriate?
That's not right.
Bradley’s comment about Aisha’s legs is sexist, inappropriate and potentially embarrassing for Aisha.
Bradley is treating Aisha like an object and not as a person with feelings, emotions and intelligence, and as someone on an equal level to himself.
By doing so, he is disrespecting Aisha and creating an unnecessary distance between them. He should, instead, respect her.
Appropriate or Inappropriate?
Bradley’s comment about Aisha’s legs is sexist, inappropriate and potentially embarrassing for Aisha.
Bradley is treating Aisha like an object and not as a person with feelings, emotions and intelligence, and as someone on an equal level to himself.
By doing so, he is disrespecting Aisha and creating an unnecessary distance between them. He should, instead, respect her.
Think Point – Equality and Diversity
You’ll meet lots of different people at university with different backgrounds and characteristics to your own.
You may not fully understand why or how some people are different from you but it is very important to treat everyone equally and with respect. Treat people how you would like to be treated.
Bradley didn’t treat Emma and Aisha with respect. He didn’t fully understand Emma’s transition process. Perhaps he should have listened more carefully to the advice of his friends in terms of how to sensitively handle the subject/treat Emma.
Bradley’s comments about Aisha are also stereotypical of ‘laddism’ or ‘lad culture’.
What is ‘laddism’ or ‘lad culture’?
‘Lad culture’ is an undefined term which has recently come into common usage. It has been used to describe how certain male (but not always just male) or ’laddish’ behaviours and cultures, particularly evident in UK universities, are operating to make female students feel less comfortable on campus.
Laddish behaviour can take many forms – club and society initiations, crude banter, use of social media to embarrass or “shame” girls (usually but not exclusively), sexist or inappropriate language or behaviour towards women, excessive drinking and in the worst cases, harassment or violence etc.
Seen by some as just a bit of fun, ‘lad culture’ has been criticised by others as at best being dismissive and objectifying towards women and at worst glamorising the sex industry and normalising sexual assault. It has been linked to a broader ‘sex object’ culture which has been identified in some student communities.
Reference: National Union of Students (2012). That’s what she said: Women students’ experiences of ‘lad culture’ in higher education. University of Sussex.
Think Difference. Act Differently
At Queen’s University, we are committed to creating a safe, positive, empowering environment for all our students and supporting students to shape the world around them. If something is happening on our campus that threatens our ability to achieve this, or indeed harms our members, then we need to understand it in order to understand how to combat it.
Remember, ‘Think Difference’ and then ‘Act Differently’.
Select NEXT to continue with the scenario.
Aisha is insulted and Emma is visibly upset. Aaron feels very uncomfortable.
Aaron considers what he should do.
Well this is embarrassing – why is Bradley saying those things to my friends?
I should really speak up and say something to Bradley. But he might get embarrassed and leave.
On the other hand, Aisha and Emma are upset and will think I agree with Bradley!
What Should Aaron Do?
With these concerns in mind, what should Aaron do now?
What Should Aaron Do?
That's right.
Aaron should tell Bradley to stop it.
If Bradley’s behaviour is making Aisha and Emma feel uncomfortable, Aaron needs to support his friends and confront Bradley on his behaviour.
If you fail to challenge someone’s inappropriate behaviour, the person receiving the comments may think you agree with the person making the comments. Speak up and challenge the behaviour – it’s the right thing to do.
Select CONTINUE to see how Aaron confronts Bradley.
What Should Aaron Do?
That's not right.
By making excuses to leave, Aaron is ignoring what just happened and an opportunity to make things right.
What Should Aaron Do?
That's not right.
By continuing as if nothing happened, Bradley may continue to upset Aisha and Emma and they will feel unsupported by Aaron.
Aaron takes Bradley aside.
Bradley. You need to stop talking like that to Aisha and Emma. It’s not right to make fun of people you don’t know well.
You are upsetting them and making everybody feel uncomfortable.
I don’t understand, what did I do?
You deliberately called Emma, Conor! Her preferred name is now Emma, NOT Conor. Call her by her preferred name and not her old name – that’s disrespectful…!
And also, she wants us to use ‘she’ and ‘her’ and NOT ‘he’ and ‘him’. I’m not saying it won’t take a bit of time to get used to, but it's not difficult. So try it. Okay?
And as for Aisha – would you like anyone saying that to your sister, Eileen? How do you think that made Aisha feel?
Bradley considers his behaviour.
Aaron’s right. I wouldn’t want anyone talking to my sister like that.
I would like to get to know Aisha, and Emma…maybe that wasn’t the right start.
It might take me some time getting used to calling her Emma. But I guess I can try.
As a Result
Aaron and Bradley return to Aisha and Emma. Bradley apologises for his behaviour.
I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you both before. I hadn’t realised that what I was saying would hurt you so much.
Aisha and Emma explain to Bradley that they were upset by his comments but they are happy to start again so that they can work on becoming friends.
Key Learning
- Your actions or lack of action have a real effect on other people’s lives. Think before you act and consider how the other person may feel as a result of your behaviour.
- If someone speaks to you or another person inappropriately, speak up and challenge their behaviour.
Access further information on transgender issues on the Diversity and Inclusion section of the Queen’s website. You’ll see answers to frequently asked questions about Trans Equality policy within Queen’s University.
Activity for Speaking Differently
What did you say to the person acting inappropriately, if anything?
What would you do differently if this happened again?